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The Little-Known Truth About Regret
New Links Discovered Between Regret And Commitment
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The Little-Known Truth About Regret
New Links Discovered Between Regret And Commitment
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The Little-Known Truth
About Regret
New Links Discovered Between Regret And Commitment
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Ever said something you regret?
Or maybe someone blurted out something that rocked you to your core… could they really think that about you?
Consider this…
The fact that it could come out of their mouth says that it was inside of them somewhere. Irrational, or rational. Alcohol induced confession, or inhibitions intact. Regardless of the intention, if it could come-out, then it was in there.
If you could say it, then it was in you…
“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34)
Which leads me to the purpose of me writing this for you:
What’s In Your Heart?
When we trust someone’s heart, we can look past actions, circumstances and events and see intention. The heart behind something gives meaning to what happens.
A lot can be forgiven, overlooked or interpreted in a certain way, if we understand someone’s ‘heart’ behind something.
So, what is the heart behind the things that you do and say?
Is it something that you could be proud of?
Or, if it became known, would you feel exposed or ashamed…
The Consequences of Your Heart
There is great power and boldness that comes from an honest heart that is lit-up by a genuine cause. If your heart is right, you don’t need to be stressed with all the logistics and the way things pan-out. You can trust that things will end up happening the right way because your heart was right. And even if it goes pear-shaped… if at your core you were honest, no one can blame your naivety or blind faith that guided your intentions.
The flip-side and ugly counterpart to this, is a person I call ‘the manipulator‘… The one who calculates and schemes, who is led by ill-intent and a self-centred cause. This type of person we have a disdain for. Not just because of HOW they do things but for WHY they do them. There is little forgiveness for someone who chooses devious means to achieve an end with a self-centred heart.
It is not simply our words and actions that carry consequences with them, but our intentions too. Intent, heart, ‘your reason why’ can poison relationships, lead to feelings of judgement, condemnation and shame, both because of how others respond to us, but also in how our own conscious convicts us. A sour-heart leaves a bitter taste in everyones mouth, including your own.
If we consider that most of life, our experience, and inner-world is shaped by our heart towards things. Then we start to see that this is the central thing governing our internal reality. The joy we feel, the peace we enjoy, the contentedness we find rest in, all stems from the orientation and posture of our heart.
Look Around and Look Inside
Think about who you actually like being friends with. Furthermore, in a more general sense, who would you more likely trust; the manipulator, or the transparent and good-willing?
Then consider this: which kind of person would you like to be?
That’s when the deep-work really begins. Not just in assessing your habits, actions and the way you do things, but also the heart behind which you do them. Be guided by principles and something beautiful.
Let life be an expression of a flourishing inward reality.
You might find you’ll sleep a little easier knowing everything was done right on your end.
“A good tree produces good fruit; a bad tree produces bad fruit.” (Matthew 7:17)
Even if you consider the set-backs and mistakes that may happen despite your good intentions. It’s just pruning; a cutting away of the dead to make room for the new. Pruning is a sign of growth not ‘badness’, but no amount of pruning will change what kind of tree you are.
Let Me Know What You Think
Hey if this article resonated with you, if it made you think of a recent conversation or stirred up some memories, if it helped you in anyway let me know because I really appreciate the feedback and it encourages me to keep writing.
Sometimes we can be quick to point the finger and get fired-up when we think about what’s in other peoples hearts, but the reality is when we look in the mirror we begin to notice our own imperfections, our own weakness and our own selfish nature.
Empathy is important, but at the same time, I don’t think we should be blind to the darkness in those around us.
Anyway, leave me a comment or shoot me a message on instagram, I’d love to hear from you.
Speak soon,
Curtis Butcher
P.S. It may be too simple to judge people by their actions, we don’t always know everything going on in their world.
However we do know this;
That how people live, the words they speak and the actions they make are a reflection, an expression of what’s going on in the inside.
Don’t be fooled, people usually reveal more than they mean to…
If this article resonated with you, hit me up on instagram and let me know!
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Ever said something you regret?
Or maybe someone blurted out something that rocked you to your core… could they really think that about you?
Consider this…
The fact that it could come out of their mouth says that it was inside of them somewhere. Irrational, or rational. Alcohol induced confession, or inhibitions intact. Regardless of the intention, if it could come-out, then it was in there.
If you could say it, then it was in you…
“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34)
Which leads me to the purpose of me writing this for you:
What’s In Your Heart?
When we trust someone’s heart, we can look past actions, circumstances and events and see intention. The heart behind something gives meaning to what happens.
A lot can be forgiven, overlooked or interpreted in a certain way, if we understand someone’s ‘heart’ behind something.
So, what is the heart behind the things that you do and say?
Is it something that you could be proud of?
Or, if it became known, would you feel exposed or ashamed…
The Consequences of Your Heart
There is great power and boldness that comes from an honest heart that is lit-up by a genuine cause. If your heart is right, you don’t need to be stressed with all the logistics and the way things pan-out. You can trust that things will end up happening the right way because your heart was right. And even if it goes pear-shaped… if at your core you were honest, no one can blame your naivety or blind faith that guided your intentions.
The flip-side and ugly counterpart to this, is a person I call ‘the manipulator‘… The one who calculates and schemes, who is led by ill-intent and a self-centred cause. This type of person we have a disdain for. Not just because of HOW they do things but for WHY they do them. There is little forgiveness for someone who chooses devious means to achieve an end with a self-centred heart.
It is not simply our words and actions that carry consequences with them, but our intentions too. Intent, heart, ‘your reason why’ can poison relationships, lead to feelings of judgement, condemnation and shame, both because of how others respond to us, but also in how our own conscious convicts us. A sour-heart leaves a bitter taste in everyones mouth, including your own.
If we consider that most of life, our experience, and inner-world is shaped by our heart towards things. Then we start to see that this is the central thing governing our internal reality. The joy we feel, the peace we enjoy, the contentedness we find rest in, all stems from the orientation and posture of our heart.
Look Around and Look Inside
Think about who you actually like being friends with. Furthermore, in a more general sense, who would you more likely trust; the manipulator, or the transparent and good-willing?
Then consider this: which kind of person would you like to be?
That’s when the deep-work really begins. Not just in assessing your habits, actions and the way you do things, but also the heart behind which you do them. Be guided by principles and something beautiful.
Let life be an expression of a flourishing inward reality.
You might find you’ll sleep a little easier knowing everything was done right on your end.
“A good tree produces good fruit; a bad tree produces bad fruit.” (Matthew 7:17)
Even if you consider the set-backs and mistakes that may happen despite your good intentions. It’s just pruning; a cutting away of the dead to make room for the new. Pruning is a sign of growth not ‘badness’, but no amount of pruning will change what kind of tree you are.
Let Me Know What You Think
Hey if this article resonated with you, if it made you think of a recent conversation or stirred up some memories, if it helped you in anyway let me know because I really appreciate the feedback and it encourages me to keep writing.
Sometimes we can be quick to point the finger and get fired-up when we think about what’s in other peoples hearts, but the reality is when we look in the mirror we begin to notice our own imperfections, our own weakness and our own selfish nature.
Empathy is important, but at the same time, I don’t think we should be blind to the darkness in those around us.
Anyway, leave me a comment or shoot me a message on instagram, I’d love to hear from you.
Speak soon,
Curtis Butcher
P.S. It may be too simple to judge people by their actions, we don’t always know everything going on in their world.
However we do know this;
That how people live, the words they speak and the actions they make are a reflection, an expression of what’s going on in the inside.
Don’t be fooled, people usually reveal more than they mean to…
If this article resonated with you, hit me up on instagram and let me know!
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Thursday, 4:31pm
Perth, WA
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” (Helen Keller)
*WARNING BEFORE READING* This article may challenge you and cause you to lose sleep tonight. Continue reading at your own risk…
Here’s what you’ll learn from this article:
- Why you feel “lost” and unsettled in life, and the truth behind why your dreams feel further away than ever… and what to do about it!
- How to avoid the really dumb things 9 out of every 10 people do when trying to achieve their goals that almost guarantees they will fail miserably!
- The single most important personality trait to have… and how to exploit it for maximum life fulfilment!
- The “Dark Side” of commitment: What to expect when you aren’t committed or spread yourself too thin, and how to avoid the pitfalls most people fall into! (So you can achieve your goals, be fulfilled, and enjoy a sense of contribution and purpose!)
A Reality Check.
Often times we go through the actions of commitment. But we’re not really committed. We’re not really connected, we are not really joined, because we have no understanding, check this, of our responsibility to any relationship.
You cannot have true relationship without reciprocity. You cannot get into a relationship to get and not give. Whether its with your work, fitness, friends or significant other.
And, I want you to ask yourself; do you give as good as you get?
Add up what you are getting and weigh it against what you are giving. And, then you will know whether you’re really joined to anything.
Yeah, people they’ll come to work. They take a job. They’re not committed to the job. They want the check. Everybody wants some money… And they say, “I’m just here for the check.” And that’s why it’s doesn’t work for them. They don’t understand the reciprocity.
Everybody wants some money. But if you’re not willing to give at least as good as you get, it will not last. And, that’s why you may not be able to stay anywhere or work for anybody. Because you’ve never really been joined to anything. So, you’ve had relationships, you’ve celebrated achievements, you’ve got a lot of parties your invited to, you’ve got some plaques on the wall, but you’ve never been the person that you could be. Because, the ‘could be’ is locked up behind the commitment. And, until you’re committed you’ll never get the could be.
This is not a feel-good message.
Rather, this is written to be a shock-to-the-system and a wake-up call.
You know what I thought to myself?
I thought, “I would hate to live and die and never know what would happen if I ever committed myself to anything.”
Some people have never thrown their whole self at nothing, not at school, not at work, not at a relationship, not at church. Damaging confession: maybe you’re like me, you’ve had one foot in and one foot out of every dream all of your life. And, you’ve never seen what you could be, because you never really connected and threw everything in…
And, that’s what’s going to make your death so sad! That’s what’s going to make it so sad – that you never truly lived first.
You never fully engaged. You never fully studied. You never fully invested in anything or anybody. You want to get something that you are not willing to give. You have never been joined. You just finished the course, got the plaque, got into the relationship. You took the job. But you’ve never seen what you could be, if you threw, your WHOLE self at your dreams.
How Things Could Have Been Different For You…
Maybe you’re in a relationship? But, are you really joined? If you don’t have reciprocity, you’re not joined.
Reciprocity: what do you give back for what you get?
Without reciprocity, no relationship will ever reach its apex, because both parties aren’t fully invested.
You may benefit from being at the right at place at the right time. You might enjoy the fruits of convenience. But you’ll never have consistency, because without commitment and true connectivity you’ll never truly see your life and relationships flourish. AND, the worst part is you’re getting older! And, you’re running out time, and running out of excuses, and running out of people to blame.
Think about it…
- Wonder what would’ve happened in school if you’d been more committed?
- Wonder what would’ve happened in your relationship if you’d been committed?
- Wonder what would’ve happened in your professional life if you’d really thrown your WHOLE self into it?
The Casual & The Talented.
The problem is, like me, you’ve probably always been casual. And, never been truly committed. And, some of the most casual people are talented people. Because, talented people will lay on their talent and use their talent as a camouflage to cover up their lack of commitment. And, because you’re talented enough to be able to float by on broken pieces, you will fool an indiscriminate eye into thinking that you are committed. But, you’re not committed, you’re just talented.
You’ll never know what you could’ve been if you would’ve really committed yourself. Maybe like me you’ve been just talented enough to get over the line each time. And, you faked ‘em out. And, you’ve been at 50% or 70% of your capacity when you deep down wonder what could have been if you really gave 100%.
The Elephant In The Room
My intention is not to cause you to spiral, I just think it would be terrible not to address the elephant in the room. Like you, I can’t be committed to everything. I can’t join everything. I can’t be committed to a thousand women. I can’t work a thousand jobs. I can’t join five churches because if I want to take commitment seriously, I can’t afford to spread it around loosely.
Is your life a false advertisement: full colour, glossy ad, promising product you don’t carry in your inventory? Think about how many people there are out there who can really sing. But, they’re unwilling to be seen by others or make the commitment to rehearse and so they never take the stage. Instead, they sit there on their talent and regret sinks in.
As a teacher I’ve seen half-committed mums and half-committed dads surprised by how half-committed their kids are. They’re half-committed because children will be what they see. I’ve just sat there in those moments thinking to myself “stop fussing at your kids, they’re a reflection of you!”
Let it slide long enough and you might find that your whole life becomes a façade. The whole thing a fake. The whole thing a front. Your whole life a camouflage. And now, you’re getting older. And, you’ll never get to see what you could’ve been because the cost of getting to see it is the commitment that you’ve never been willing to pay.
Don’t feel attacked and I hope you’re not getting defensive right now, I’m primarily speaking to myself… But this issue needs to be confronted, it creeps into so many areas of our lives…
- You’re trying to get somebody to fall in love with a ‘you’ that you’ve never discovered yourself.
- You stand in Church and you raise your hand. And, you say, “Lord, I give myself to you.” But, you don’t.
- You marry somebody and say, “You can count on me. I’ll be there through the thick and the thin, for better or for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health.” You didn’t mean it.
(think about the divorce rate…) - You half-studied, half-worked, half-laboured and then wonder why, “I thought I’d be further than I am at the age of…” Let me tell you why you are not further. It is not the devil. It is not witches. It is not demons. It’s not your parents or your friends. And, it sure God isn’t haters. You are not any further than you are right now because you have never thrown your whole self at anything in your life.
It’s like we are waiting-out for greatness to go on sale. But, true quality never goes on sale. Greatness, fulfilment, true-happiness costs what it costs.
Will you pay the price for your dreams, will you be committed?
Whether it’s a big dream, small dream or no dream at all. The cost is the same, the cost is your life. You’ll either hold onto your fears, doubts, try play it safe, preserve and wait it out. Or, you’ll embrace the risk, venture into the unknown and discover what lies on the other side of going all-in.
Here’s to fresh wave of commitment in our lives and the hope of a better tomorrow!
Hope to hear from you,
Curtis Butcher
P.S. Is commitment something you’ve wrestled with in your own life? Ever feel like you’re just drifting? Have opportunities come and passed you by? Don’t let regret paint the canvas of your story. Let life be a daring adventure, one where the hero – You – went all-in. Dig a little deeper tonight, see what you find, maybe it’s time to get serious about what actually matters to you.
P.S.S. If this article resonated with you; leave a comment, or shoot me a message on Instagram and I’ll be sure to get back to you.
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